Planet MadDog

Clark Kent Syndrome

Looking at yesterday's Herald Sun made me think about how well my identity would be concealed by the media if I wanted to remain anonymous. The photo to the right appeared on the front page in an article about Australian mercenaries in Iraq and is only one of a few photos that gave the impression that covering someone's eyes would totally conceal their identity. Whoever is responsible for these photos obviously never watched Superman and thought how crap it was that Clark Kent's closest friends never saw the resemblance between him and Superman. Honestly, if you knew the guy in this photo, theres no way you'd look at the newspaper and say "Oh that couldn't possibly be Ralph. Ralph doesn't have a black rectangle over his eyes".

To illustrate my point I've used my mad photoshop skills to cunningly conceal the identities in the eight photos below. Whoever could they be?

Poorly concealed mercenary.

OMG! Who could it be? Who the hell could this be? Who the hell is she? Who are these freaks?
Hmm... he looks familiar... Forget about his eyes... WTF is wrong is his nose!?! The man who started it all... It's a-me! A-who?

Posted by a very discombobulated MadDog on Tuesday May 18, 2004 at 9:48:17 AM - 2 comments

More photos

Here some more photos of Amy, including some from the baptism, which went very well, incidently. I really don't have as many photos of Amy as I thought I would have, and there's really no excuse for that, having a digital camera and all. However I certainly have a lot of video footage, so hopefully that makes up for it. Enjoy the pics below, and don't forget, you can click them for an enlargement.

Posted by a very beaming MadDog on Friday May 7, 2004 at 7:56:39 PM - 0 comments

In an entirely unrelated note...

I have no idea what this 404 error message says, but I bet it's pretty funny.

Posted by a very confused MadDog on Friday May 7, 2004 at 4:50 PM - 0 comments

Babptismal Baby Bonanza

Well Amy is three months old tomorrow, and her baptism is this Sunday. We've got boatloads of rellies coming over for the ceremony and a BBQ lunch at our place afterwards; 50 people so far so it looks like its going to be a big day (not to mention the preparation and house-tidying in the days leading up to it). I'd like to invite you all to come, but you know how it is, what, with the collective internet masses being the size you are, and plus, my back yard isn't that big. I hate these sorts of things; not the parties, they're okay. It's just the spaz that Gracie gets herself into getting the place ready, cleaning, polishing, disinfecting, baking and otherwise organising the day. Call me lazy (why not, Gracie does) but that sort of thing annoys me. I see the need for it, but I can't identify things that need to be done. I ask if there's anything I can do and Gracie's like "What? Are you blind? Can't you see that those top cupboard handles are dusty? The cobwebs need sweeping, the dinner plates need rotating, and the pumpkins need polishing. ARRGH! Theres too much to do!"

As for the baptism itself, I know what it's all about but I had no idea it was such a big deal. Not being Catholic myself, I've always found myself facinated by the traditions of the Catholic church. There's all these ancient rituals, and bits where everyone says the same thing at the same time without any apparent prompting. It's kinda spooky and almost a little comfortable being the only one not reciting the passages along with the rest of the congregation. So I've got no idea of what's expected of me for this Sunday, but I hope its nothing too scary.

I've taken some great photos of Amy in her baptism dress, so I'll post them here later.

Posted by a very fantastic MadDog on Thursday April 22, 2004 at 2:34:14 PM - 1 comments

An update and some photos

It's been a while, hasn't it. Not much to say but everything is going great. Amy is sleeping right through the night now, which is awesome for us. Every now and again, it might take a while to get her to settle, but she's usually always asleep by 12:30am, then we dont hear from her again until after 8:00am. She's usually fairly grzzly during the day though, and doesn't sleep as much as she should. The maternal health nurse has said it's most likely to be a touch of colic, which should pass after 3 months. In other news, we got some photos taken at the Shepparton Marketplace by some travelling baby photographers, so I've popped them here for you. The bottom two were taken by Gracie's cousin Grace. The best photos, however, are the ones where she's awake, so I'll pop a few of those online soon.

Posted by a very thirsty MadDog on Friday March 26, 2004 at 4:33 PM - 0 comments

My wife, the pissing lady

"A month and a half between posts?", I hear you cry. "What are we, freaking pidgeons that you think you can feed whenever you bloody well feel like?"

Well, yes frankly, and if you don't like it you can sod off . NO! WAIT! Come back! Heh heh heh... joking... Here, let me pour you a nice cup of Milo.

Well it has been a long time between posts, both here and on the BabyBlog . The delays, strangely enough, are not baby-related either for the most part. I've actually been fairly busy, both at work and some work for myself at home. But I'm not here to cry you a friggin' river so I'll just move on and tell you about what I was going to tell you about. It's a long story, but its a good one.

Regular visitors, and people who know me, know how much I love stand-up comedy, in particular, the work of improv master, Ross Noble. You may recall I've been to see him twice before and had a cracker of a time (well, I never mentioned the second time on here, but needless to say it was fantastic). So when I learned that Ross Noble would be stopping in our fair region as part of his new "Unreal Time" tour, it was a real no-brainer. I had to go. And so it was, the night of the performace, Gracie, myself, Braden, Annie, and Ade went to Galways for dinner about 6:30pm. The show was to start at 8:00pm, so we notified our waitress that we needed to be somewhere by then.

It was taking forever for our meals to arrive, and we were being super-paranoid about being late, especially Gracie, as we know full well that Ross likes to make jokes of anyone who is late, so much so, that he makes them part of the show. After we smacked that bitch waitress around assertively requested our meals be brought out ASAP, we scoffed our food down as fast as we could, then left. We arrived at the theatre five minutes early, picked up our tickets and took a seat in the second row. Crisis over? Not quite.

20 minutes into the show, Gracie whispered to Ade that she wasnt feeling too good. She wolfed her food down so fast, it made her quite sick. Eventually she told Ade that she was going to spew , so she waited for Ross to focus his attention to the opposite side of the audience. She made a break for the door, but failed to escape Ross' eye.

" YOU! Where are you going? Come back. No really, where are you going?" he said, as Gracie's step quickened. She didn't answer his question, but just bolted out the side door. He turned his attention to Ade. "Where did she go?". Ade shrugged. "Is she coming back?". Ade replied, "I presume so". "OH! I PRESUME SO!" said Ross, speculating as to where she could have possibly gone to, suggesting all sorts of crazy stuff, like playing basketball out the back. He got a little sidetracked (as he does), but kept coming back to Ade, trying to find out where she's gone. He deduced that she had gone to the toilet, then continued on about launching chickens from his cock... err, I guess you had to be there. Anyway, he came back to Ade, and said "Wow, she's been pissing for a long time. She is coming back, isn't she?".

She really was gone for quite a long time. I was starting to get a little bit worried, but Gracie was waiting outside in the foyer, terrified of coming back in. There was a guy out there setting up a merchandise booth who assured her that she should go back in and that it would be okay.

Meanwhile, back inside, Ade quickly tried to handball him onto me by pointing at me and saying " He's her husband!", but Ross would have none of it, and kept talking to Ade. Again, Ross got sidetracked and was talking to someone else, but he was interrupted when the crowd started cheering. He looked over to the door, and there was Gracie, sneaking back in and quickly making her way to her seat. Everyone laughed, and Ross asked her where she had been. She didn't answer, but he didn't probe her too much. He got on with his act, but he did mentioned her (as "the pissing lady") a few more times throughout the rest of the show.

So there you go. The ironic story of Gracie, who unwillingly became part of the show, and didn't really know how. If you see her in the street, don't forget to say "Hey, I know you. You're the pissing lady!". She'll love it.

Posted by a very burned-out MadDog on Thursday March 18, 2004 at 11:49:08 PM - 1 comments

Poo, woes and videotape

Speaking of poo (we were?), can someone explain this to me?

After Amy was born, her poo was a horrible  black-green  sludgy stuff, which is understandable, seeing as she had just spend 9 months gestating upside-down in a belly full of goo. Then, shortly after she switched to the formula, the poo had turned a pleasant (???) shade of  butter-yellow . Also understandable, as formula is a white-ish colour, which could feasibly go yellow-ish in the digestion process. Now, riddle me this. Why has her poo now turned a  strange green  colour? Don't you need blue to make green? There's abolutely nothing blue in her diet what-so-ever. Go figure.

Anyhoo, now that I've got my new video camera back from the shop after getting fixed... oh yeah, I didn't tell you about that.

A month after buying my new video camera, the sound playback from the camera packed it in, and also the memory card stopped working. This didn't actually stop the camera from working, just disabled a few options. This is about 2 weeks before Amy was born, mind you. I took it in to get it repaired under warranty, letting them know that I needed it back in 2 weeks to film my new baby. 2 weeks later, Amy was born so I called the repair shop and was told that the guy who fixes the cameras was away on holiday and will have a look at it next week. Next week, I called them up again, and he said that they had to order in some parts and they'll be in the next week. I'm a bit cheesed by now, so I remind him how important it is that I get it back. The next week comes and I'm told that they put the new parts in and they didn't make any difference, so he's ordered a different part in. I told him that I'm picking up the camera now and for hm to call me when the parts came in. *groan*

Anyway, it's all fixed now, so I've got a new wacky little video uploaded for you. The title of this short film is "The many crazy faces of Amy, then she goes to sleep".

Click here to download it. (3.9MB WMV format)

Posted by a very confused MadDog on Wednesday February 25, 2004 at 4:57 PM - 2 comments

Desperate times call for you know what.

Last night was a real doozy. Whoever coined the term "sleeps like a baby" has obviously either left off the words "DURING THE DAY" from the end, or has never actually had to sleep in the same house as one. I think I ended up getting no more 3 or 4 hours sleep, but it's not the lack of sleep that bothers me so much as the pure concentrated frustration in a baby that refuses to be quiet (although I think the two may be mutually exclusive).

Gracie and I handle this frustration very differently. Whereas Gracie likes to plead with Amy "Please Amy, PLEEEAASE! What do you want? What can I do? Please tell me, PLEAASE!", I prefer to mutter inaudible obscenities under my breath. We tried everything. We fed her. We burped her. We changed her. We rocked her. We rolled her. We had her on her back, side, front, and slung over our shoulder. We placed her on a vibrating massage chair. Eventually, she had a bit of a spit, and phased out allowing us to at least try and get some sleep, but I think by then my brain was so frazzled, it took me a further hour to finally get to sleep, and even then it was broken by Amy making little chicken noises. I dont know what I was running on today. Probably caffine.

I think I can handle a night like that every now and again. I just hope she doesn't make a habit of it. Gracie, on the other hand, will surely go completely mad and go join a circus or something if it happens again. I wish her all the best for that.

Posted by a very desperate MadDog on Wednesday February 18, 2004 at 1:53 PM - 5 comments

Dangerous work, this baby wrangling...

We had our first baby-related injury on Monday night. Don't worry, Amy's okay, but Gracie discovered the hard way that it's not a good idea to make up baby bottles in the middle of the night when you're tired and also not wearing your glasses.

She ended up pouring boiling water over most of the hand she was using to steady one of the bottles, the silly girl. Regardless to say, Gracie was not a happy camper for the rest of the night and had to end up sleeping with her hand in a bucket of ice water.

Posted by a very frustrated MadDog on Wednesday February 18, 2004 at 1:53 PM - 3 comments

What is this thing you call sleep?

Gracie and Amy have been home for 3 nights now. Admittedly, all three have been sleepless to some degree, but they haven't been as bad as I was expecting... oh, except for the first night.

On the first night, Amy cried, non-stop, from 10pm until about 4am. This was after being told to only feed Amy whenever she asked for it, and not at scheduled times. This meant that she'd slept for 7 consecutive hours during the day, and kept us up all night.  The next day though, we decided to work smarter and not harder. Sure, we were still going to feed her whenever she asked for it, but we weren't going to let her go longer than 4 hours without being woken up for a feed. In the evenings, we'd feed her around 8:30 - 9pm then put her to bed. After tidying up, making bottles, etc. we'd put ourselves to bed for a couple of hours. Over the baby monitor, usually around 12:30am we'd be woken by some restlesness and some sucky noises. One of us would get up, feed her, change her if needed, and put her back to bed. This would happen again around 3:30 - 4am, and again in the morning around 7:30 - 8am. This plan worked fairly well the second night, although she was still a little grizzly, but after a domiciliary visit from a midwife yesterday, who suggested we feed her a liitle more, last night went much smoother.

Amy sure can sleep, and when she's asleep, not much can wake her. I hope she keeps this trait, because there's always cars hooning up the street, dogs barking, doors slamming and doorbells ringing, and Amy, like the little angel she is, doesn't even flinch. We have the Child and Maternal Health Nurse coming tomorrow for a visit to check on Amy and Gracie as well as answer any questions we have. There's not a lot I really need to know though, but I'm sure I'll think of a few things.

Posted by a very sleepy MadDog on Thursday January 29, 2004 at 3:57 PM - 2 comments

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